More Than Meets The Eyes
Geplaatst op 07-01-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
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An agitated co-worker came running into the office after lunch today and grunted about her annoying lunch date. She was set up by a co-worker who felt she was exactly his type, an Asian woman. Despite uneasy feelings, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and agreed to the set up.
As she was introduced to Scott, she warmly extended her hand hoping for the best. But before she opened her mouth, he exclaimed, ‘hello, I’m really hungry’ in what she assumed was his attempt to speak Mandarin. She politely smiled back and complimented him on his ability to capture the language and quickly changed the subject to prevent him from reciting every Mandarin phrase or word he knew.
This situation always made her uncomfortable. She knew Scott was attempting to connect with her and create a sense of familiarity, but the only thing he did was alienate her. She wondered would he try to speak German to a 3rd generation American who was ½ German and ½ European mutt? She was a 3rd generation Asian American and only ½ Taiwanese. And as the only Asian family in her town in Minnesota, she had little opportunity to learn or speak Mandarin while growing up. She wished he tried to get to know her instead.
Scott then proceeded to speak about his last trip to China and the various spots he visited as well as the cuisine. He then asked, “Where is the best Chinese restaurant in San Francisco?” expecting her to have supreme knowledge of all things Chinese. He could have simply asked, “What is your favorite Chinese restaurant?” but by this time she was also feeling defensive and anything he said was heard with tainted ears. When she gave him a shrug with a puzzle look as she is vegan, he then asked if she was an ‘anglophile’ (making another wrong assumption because she didn’t like Chinese food as much). As that was one too many strikes for her to endure, she quickly paid her bill and mumbled something about deadlines and ran back to the office.
This situation happens often between two individuals from different cultures because it’s easier to simplify a person based on their ethnicity and make broad generalizations. Take the time to know the person and allow the individual to define who they are to the world.
Few thing to consider during first encounters…
Ask questions about her heritage rather than make assumptions. This seems obvious, but unfortunately with one too many “Scott” encounters, this needed to be said.
Don’t assume she’s an ‘anglophile’ unless she herself professes to be one. Just because she is willing to date you (someone of Anglo-decent) that does not make her one automatically. She happened to have found you charming for who you are.
Do not automatically speak to her in her native language as if this will somehow impress her as you butcher the language in an incoherent accent where you lamely ask her, “Where is the bathroom?” Only her non-English speaking grandmother might find this endearing. Or if you are trying to learn the language, ask if you can practice with her.
Do not take her to an Indian, Chinese, Korean, or Greek etc. restaurant on your first or 2nd date. Just because she is Greek, Chinese, Korean, etc. it does not automatically make it her favorite meal.